


I DOUBTED YOU

by ShizayaHeiwahara



Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-11 20:58:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3332678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShizayaHeiwahara/pseuds/ShizayaHeiwahara





	I DOUBTED YOU

Kriiiinnnggg! Kriiiinnnnggg! Kriiiinnnggg!  
I heard the annoying alarm clock, doing its job awakening me, after a few more noise and I shut it down. Hmm… morning already?  
Without opening my eyes, I extended my arms to the other side of the bed, trying to reach something… or someone? I felt the pillow beside mine. Nothing. I slid my hand to feel the entire space, but still, there’s nothing. Realizing it, I slowly opened my eyes. Empty. There’s no one beside me now.  
I sat up on the bed and thought: Argh! How many days or weeks has it been?! This thing is getting into my nerves! Really!  
I got up, wore my robe and decided to go to the bathroom to wash my face. After washing, I went straight to the kitchen to eat breakfast. Ahh… It’s still a little too early to go to the university. That’s right. University. I’m a professor at a local university in our area. But don’t think that I’m an old fart, ‘cause am definitely not! I’m still young, younger than you could imagine. Ha-ha-ha! Kidding!  
When I got into the kitchen I made coffee to awaken me, then sat on the dining table, literally. It’s my habit.  
While sitting on the dining table, I saw a piece of paper beside a covered plate. “Tch!” Again. Wanna know what’s written? Here:  
”Good Morning!   
Sorry for leaving early again today!  
Got so many errands to finish at work.  
I promise to come back as early as possible.  
I already made you breakfast. Eat it, ‘kay?  
Take care! I love you so much! ♥♥♥”  
‘I promise to comeback as early as possible…’ AS EARLY AS POSIBLE?!!!! How many f*cking times have you used that line???!! It’s already been abused too much!!! Out of anger, I just crumpled the paper in my hands and threw it in the trash bin. ‘I love you’ my ass!!!  
Oh! You’re thinking about who wrote it? Well, it’s obviously my lover. But I don’t know anymore. We haven’t kept in touch for weeks now, already about a month actually, though we live under the same roof. Why? Because he’s F*CKING BUSY WITH HIS F*CKING WORK!!! Leaving so early in the morning at a time that I’m not awake yet and coming home so late that everybody had gone to their slumber! Even if I wait for him or awoke when he came back, I couldn’t even talk to him for more than ten minutes; he’ll just lie beside me and sleep right away!!!  
I know there are problems when we entered this relationship—one our age gap (well, I’m older than him by eight years); two, we are both MEN, yes, BOTH MEN (this already bears a ton of conflicts, I know) and third, because we’re both men, originally straight and I’m older than him, he might get bored of me and find a new girl who would suit him best (this is what I’m really afraid of).  
I’m afraid of him getting tired of me and leaving me alone. And because of the situation right now, can’t help but think that… h-he’s cheating on me; that he just doesn’t know how to tell me, knowing that I might get hurt. I’m getting more anxious day by day.  
To make everything worst, tomorrow… Tomorrow is our f*cking fifth anniversary! I just hope that bastard hadn’t forgotten about that! We haven’t planned anything yet, and here I am making myself free for tomorrow, hoping that he has something ready.  
To forget my worrisome thoughts, I busied myself with work. I finished everything that I needed for my teaching—materials and references, computed grades early, arranged lesson plans, evaluations and more.  
I decided to go home the same time he usually got home, it’s so late and close to midnight. But when I got home, there’s no trace of him to be seen. He’s not in the kitchen nor in the bathroom nor in our bedroom.  
What the heck?! You’re still not home? You promised ‘as early as possible’! So I still hoped? I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to see you. I wanted to hear your voice. I wanted to touch you. But why aren’t you letting me? I’m missing you!  
And because I tired myself out this day, I just went to sleep without even changing. Tiny droplets of tears flickered from my eyes. And just like that I fell into the world of dreams.  
The next thing I knew was that alarm clock ringing again. I opened my eyes. Ahh… my eyes feels so heavy. Did I cry while I was asleep? I turned myself to the other side of the bed. Huh?! I sat up and stared at that side. NO ONE IS F*CKING IN THERE, AND THERE’S NOT EVEN A TRACE THAT IT WAS SLEPT ON!!!  
I put my elbows on my knees and bowed my head. So… he did really forget the occasion for today. Oh heavens! I’m teary eyed again. Hey! Wait I might just be jumping into conclusions. Maybe something bad happened to him. I must confirm. But I hope it’s nothing serious. I immediately grabbed my phone from the side table to call him, but I stopped. There was a text… from him.  
My hands are shaking, I opened the message and… threw the phone right after reading! I cupped my forehead with my palm. What the heck?! Something came up and you’re f*cking caught up with work?! What the hell’s with that?!  
No. I need to talk to him. I grabbed my phone again, and then dialed his number. It rang—once, twice, thrice and so on. No answer. I pressed redial, it rang again and the ringing sound quickly silenced on the other line.  
“Hello.” He sounded like he’s smiling but at the same time tired. My heart begun to pound. How is he able to do it? Still making my heart beat faster, as if I ran in a marathon, after these five long years? No! I didn’t call him to reminisce.  
“Where are you.” I said coldly making sure that it won’t sound like a question but a threat.  
“A-at work…” I’m silent, as if waiting for further explanation. And him, sensing it, he continued, “there was a sudden emergency at work last night that needed my attention, so… I’m really really really really sorry… Please don’t get mad… Please…” My blood is rushing to my head  
“You. Do you realize what date is today? What’s special today?” He was silent. “No? No.” I’m at my limit! Furiously, I blurted out all of my thoughts. “FINE THEN! I’LL TELL YOU WHAT! IT’S OUR F*CKING FIFTH ANNIVERSARY TODAY!!! AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE THAT?!!! WHAT THE HECK?!!! ALMOST A MONTH! A GODDAMN MONTH WE ALMOST DIDN’T TALK! A MONTH I FELT LIKE ABANDONED! A F*CKING MONTH I FELT SO LONELY. I CONTROLLED MY TEMPER AND PROLONGED MY PATIENCE!!! ‘CAUSE I WAS ACTUALLY HOPING THAT WE WILL CATCH UP FOR THOSE WASTED TIME TODAY!!! YOU’RE HERE YET YOU’RE NOT!!!”   
Looks like he got a shocked from my speech. He can’t speak. “I-I—!!“ he’s stuttering when I interrupted him.  
“What?! You love your f*cking work now more than me?! If that’s the case then go M-A-R-R-Y your work.” I stopped deciding if whether I must say the worst thing that had crossed my mind or not. “Or… could it be that you actually found… a NEW one?” I gave him a chuckle.  
“N-NO DEFINIT--!!” I pressed the ‘end call’ button. I don’t wanna hear anything anymore. Tears are rolling down from my exhausted eyes. I embraced myself tightly. What the heck! Am I some freaking jealous wife seeking attention from her super busy husband? This is so not like me.   
I wiped my tears, right then my phone rang. He’s calling. But instead of answering I removed the battery of my phone so his calls won’t get through. My tears won’t stop. I want to avenge myself from this misery.  
Avenge. I thought of something. For the third time I grabbed my phone and switched it back to life. It vibrated the moment it refreshed. Messages. From him. I didn’t read them but didn’t erase them as well. I just typed my message:  
“Goddamnit , you bastard!  
I’ll make you regret this!  
I’ll go out alone today!   
Don’t even think of following me!  
I’ll go to bars, discos, anywhere fun and noisy  
And I’ll f*cking find a NEW PARTNER there!!!”

Sent. There. Let’s see what you will do. Well, I sent it, but I don’t really plan on doing it. I don’t have the courage. I love him too much that cheating has never been an option. I’ll just wait for him to come back. I cuddled up myself hugging his pillow ever so tightly. I really miss you so much. I closed my eyes.  
…nnnggg! …nnnggg!  
Hmm… what’s that? So noisy. I opened my eyes and absorbed the noise. Kriiiiinnnggg! Kriiiinnnggg! Is that my phone ringing? I grabbed it from beside my pillow. I looked at it to know whose calling. It’s him. I looked at the time before answering. Huh? 11AM? I fell asleep? It’s been hours since I sent him that text… and… he still didn’t come home. The texts he sent me earlier hadn’t been opened yet.  
My phone kept on ringing. I readied myself before I answering. “Why did you call.” I said coldly.  
“Excuse me, sir, do you know the owner of this phone. You’re the first in his speed dial so I decided to call you.” It’s someone else’s voice. Definitely not him.  
“I do. Who’s this?”  
“Sir, I’m a doctor, and if I may request, will you come to our hospital?” He sounded like he’s sorry. Hospital. Doctor. His phone. Wait, did something happen? No. No. No. No.  
“W-w-what… D-did something…” My voice is quivering. I can’t finish my sentence.  
“Just please come to our hospital.” The doctor said, sensing my uneasiness.  
“O-okay.” I ended the call and with great speed I dressed myself properly. Without even taking a bath, brushing my teeth and combing my hair I rushed to the hospital wanting to know what happened; wanting to know that my intuition is wrong; wanting to know that I’m just jumping into conclusions; wanting to believe he’s alright. Anyway, the doctor didn’t say anything, right? I chuckled.  
With my car, I sped up to the said hospital, and went straight to a certain room.  
Then there… I saw him lying… on the bed… with mask on his pretty face, thin tube had been inserted on his wrist, bondages are scattered on the parts of his body that I can see. His chest, it moves up and down in a very very slow tempo. Machines beside him sounded like a timer.  
I approached him, in a painstakingly slow pace. I don’t know what I feel. My chest is burning and being squeezed all too tightly. My sight is blurring; my eyes felt so hot and like it’s about to explode. My nerves are getting tensed.  
“Are you a family of this guy, sir?” I instantly looked up to one who spoke. That’s the time I noticed there’s a doctor with a nurse standing beside his bed.  
“Y-yes… W-what happened to him?”  
“Uhm…” The doctor started, he must be the one who called me. “He got into an accident. Witnesses said that he was driving extremely fast and must have damaged his break and loss control of the vehicle. He hit an establishment’s concrete wall… So hard…” The doctor stopped, letting me absorb all that I heard. I was staring at him. I covered my face with one hand, breathe heavily and then let tears flow down from my eyes.  
“When he was brought here, he was barely breathing, so we decided to operate him even without your consent.” The doctor continued. “He’s fine now… but… he’s in coma…” The doctor sounded so sorry again. “Well then, I shall take my leave now, sir.” The old gent walked out of the room, while I slumped myself on the chair beside his bed.  
Was it my fault that you were in so much rush earlier? Was it my fault you got into an accident? Was it my fault that you almost died? Was it my fault that you’re in that state? Questions, that lead to blaming myself, invaded my thoughts. My tears won’t stop.  
Then I heard a tapping sound closing in. I looked up. The nurse hasn’t left yet. “Sir,” that’s all she said while handing me two things—his phone and a tiny box, that seems to be a jewelry box. I took it and she left.  
I stared at the things on my hand for a long moment, specifically at the tiny box. I was about to open it when I heard a ring. His phone. Someone is calling. It flashes a name I don’t know of. Maybe his colleague. I answered it to let them know what had happened. But before I opened my mouth, a voice resonated on the other line. So loud.  
“Hey! Where the hell are you, dude?! You suddenly left without a word after that call. You didn’t reply to my messages. I don’t know what to do next here.” I’m silent. So he really was working. “Hey? You cut your tongue or something? You’re not talking. I’m asking you what to do next here.” The guy paused, maybe waiting for me to talk. “Don’t tell you got dumped by that man… I mean your lover?” My eyes widened. Someone knew about me? “If that’s what happened, it’ll be a total waste! You prepared for everything for more than a month.” Huh? “You’ve wasted a lot of effort! I mean… This surprise on your anniversary and the proposal thing. Even if we told you it’s impossible, you still go for it.” Surprise? Proposal?  
I averted my eyes to him, who was solemnly lying on the hospital bed. Someone is still talking on the other line but I can’t seem to hear clearly anymore. I looked back at the tiny box in my hand. With trembling hand, I finally opened it.  
There was a small circle silver thing inside, carved like a rope in a very detailed manner. I picked it up and saw that there was an engraving inside. I brought it closer to my eyes to see what’s written.  
I dropped the phone. My whole body tensed. My eyes welled with tears again, and I exploded. I cried so loud, so loud that people would hear. But I don’t care; I just want to let this pain out!  
I fell kneeling on the floor, hugged my body ever so tightly, still holding on that cold tiny metal. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry I doubted you! I should’ve known you better. I should’ve had more faith in you!”  
My name and his name with the sentence: ‘will forever be bounded’, was what on the engravings. Please wake up soon! I missed you. I’m sorry… [END_ShizayaHeiwahara]


End file.
